


New Hires and Preventing Fires

by songofdefiance



Series: The Void Under Our Skin [3]
Category: Dishonored (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Gen, Insomnia, Not DOTO Compliant, Panic Attacks, Post-Dishonored 2 (Video Game), Standalone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 13:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12558808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofdefiance/pseuds/songofdefiance
Summary: “I’m afraid.”“Of what?”Of waking up somewhere else.“I don’t know, exactly,” Alexandria said, the lie stinging on her tongue.





	New Hires and Preventing Fires

**Author's Note:**

> Alright - this will probably be the last fic I post before NaNoWriMo. This takes place after Dishonored 2, and you don't need to read the rest of the series to understand this one.
> 
> For those who have read the rest of the series, and are wondering how this fits into everything else that's happened, I'll explain in the end notes. Enjoy!

Addermire loomed before her.

Alexandria was grateful that, if nothing else, it wasn’t raining that day.  Walking into the reception area was harder than eliminating the layer of dust that had gathered in her apartment - harder than saying goodbye to Lucia, even.  Her wardrobe with all her books and papers had been brought to Addermire ahead of time; all she had with her was a small shoulder bag.

She nodded at the receptionist, who lit up like a lightbulb.  

“Dr. Hypatia!” he exclaimed.  “We heard the news that you were back, but I didn’t know it would be today!”  He seemed to realize that his excitement was a bit over-the-top, because he forced himself to relax a bit and added, more calmly, “Welcome back to Addermire, ma’am.”

Alexandria smiled.  Or at least, she tried to.

“Thank you, Mr...”

She faltered.  She used to know all the names of her employees, and the face of the young man in front of her was familiar, but her mind was drawing a blank.  The nurse’s smile slipped a bit, and Alexandria had to turn away to hide her expression.

“Robert Sarian, ma’am,” he said, his tone gentle.  Alexandria mustered herself and looked at him again.

“Of course, Robert.  I’m sorry.  Thank you for correcting me.”

His smile brightened a bit more, and Alexandria felt something ease in her chest.  “It’s no problem, Dr. Hypatia.  Have a good day.”

Her office appeared untouched when she arrived, but she had to stop moving around for a full minute when she realized that she wasn’t able to tell if anything was missing.  She shook her head after a moment, moving on autopilot as she placed her bag on her desk and began the process of tidying the place up.

Letters were sorted through - the ones from the Duke were shoved in a drawer, where she didn’t have to look at them - and her audiograph cards were reorganized.  Her key had been returned to her by a sheepish Empress, who had remembered to give it to her before Alexandria left to stay with Lucia.  The first time she stayed with Lucia.

The thought of Emily stirred white-hot rage within her, which Alexandria quickly tamped down.  She breathed out through her nose and stared at her door, wondering if she could lock it and hide under her desk for the rest of the day.  

“No one died in here,” she said to herself.

_ How do you know? _

Hypatia strode out of her office faster than she normally would have, heading towards the uppermost level of the institute.  The patient rooms up there had been remodelled into a psychiatric wing for Addermire’s second-most recent hire, and whatever her misgivings were about being back, Hypatia was determined to at least introduce herself to her new colleagues.

She had done her reading before coming back to the Institute.  Dr. Nastia Vilnova was a recent Academy graduate, who had earned accolades for her study of diseases of the mind.  Hypatia had been unsure of whether Vilnova’s research was genuine or if her studies were purely sensationalism; she knew, from the Academy’s history, that students had produced similar research that turned out to be more damaging than helpful.

From what she had been able to read, however, Vilnova seemed to have a genuine desire to help people who were suffering from mental illness.  Aramis Stilton, who had been found by the Grand Guard outside his mansion after missing for years, was currently in her care.

Hypatia reached the room that had been fashioned in Vilnova’s office and knocked on the door.  She then stood back a few steps, waiting for an answer.  

When none appeared to be forthcoming, Alexandria frowned.  Perhaps it would have been better to seek out Dr. Renata first.

“Dr. Hypatia?”

Alexandria flinched.  She turned to see Dr. Vilnova - a woman in her late twenties (if she had to guess) with a dark braid hanging down her back, and a kind smile on her face.  It was at odds with her Tyvian features, which normally gave Tyvians the appearance of being severe.  

“You didn’t have to wait outside,” Vilnova said, opening the door to her office and beckoning for Alexandria to follow.  “Though you’d have no way of knowing that, I guess.  Can I get you anything?”

Alexandria shook her head, opting to instead examine Vilnova’s office.  It seemed that Vilnova had been determined to turn it into a pseudo-library; shelves had been placed on the walls to the left and right of the desk, and they were filled with books.  The desk itself had a small candle on the corner, as well as neat piles of paper.  The window was thrown open, letting in fresh air.  Alexandria thought that she might have caught a whiff of lavender, as well.

Vilnova gestured to the chair in front of her desk.  “Please, sit.  I’m afraid I don’t have something more comfortable.”

Alexandria lowered herself into the chair, keeping her back straight.  On the other side of the desk, Vilnova reclined in her own seat, propping one leg up on the desk and regarding Alexandria.

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Not particularly,” Alexandria answered.  “I wanted to introduce myself.  I’d be remiss if I returned to Addermire without getting to know its newest hires.”

“I see.”  Vilnova shifted, and - for the first time - looked a bit nervous, though she did a good job of covering it up a moment later.  “Have you spoken to Dr. Renata yet?”

“I’ll be checking in on him in a little while,” Alexandria said.  “But first - how have you settled in?  Any hiccups, anything you want me to know that so that the process can be made smoother?  I know that people have, on occasion, been confused by the layout of the Institute, even with the help of the maps.”

Vilnova shook her head quickly.  “No, no!  My move-in went smoothly, thank you.  Would you like me to give you the run-down on what I’ve done since I took the job?”

“Yes, please.”

Vilnova launched into an explanation of the work she’d done after she’d begun working at Addermire.  She had taken on three long-term patients (Aramis Stilton being one of them), all of whom were staying on the same floor, in the renovated rooms.  She regularly visited with them and evaluated them, working with each individually to figure out which treatments worked best.  

“It’s not a one-medicine-cures-all line of work,” Vilnova explained.  “Everyone’s brains are unique, and they’re all here for different reasons.  What works for one won’t always work for another.  So I’m constantly re-assessing, trying to figure out what’s best for them, and ensuring that they are as comfortable as possible at the same time.”

She didn’t go into the details on what treatments each patient was receiving.  Which was fine with Alexandria; if she were a patient, she couldn’t imagine that she would want people to know, either.

“I also hold free consultations every day,” Vilnova continued.  “I’m trying to bring awareness to how common some problems can be, and that they  _ are  _ treatable - if people would just acknowledge them.  My research at the Academy involved looking into a connection between physical ailments and things like extreme stress and anxiety, or depression.  Though I found evidence, most of my colleagues expressed skepticism.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me.”  Hypatia felt her gut twist, thinking of the difficulty sleeping and the way chunks of skin got underneath her fingernails.  

Vilnova smiled.  “I’m so grateful that you gave me this opportunity, Dr. Hypatia.  I was floored when you supported the work that I do and approved of my application to work here.”

The conversation turned to more logistical topics, with Hypatia bringing up the weekly meetings she held with the staff, the emergency drills that they would be practicing later in the week, and the remodeling planned for the basement (which had finally been drained of water, according to the letter she’d received the day before).  Vilnova brought up schedules and asked for advice about balancing research with working with patients.

It lessened some of the tension in Hypatia’s shoulders, if nothing else.

By the time she left Vilnova’s office in search of Dr. Renata, Alexandria had felt like there was less of a weight in her chest.  She was able to nod and smile as she passed other Addermire staff in the hallways and feel like it was genuine.  

It was a small victory, but she was willing to take it.

* * *

 

Alexandria hadn’t frequented bars since her academy days, but Lucia refused to meet anywhere else.

“Trust me,” she’d said in her letter.  “After the week I’ve had, I need about ten drinks.”

The Dusty Armpit may not have been the most eloquently named establishment, but Alexandria could admit that they served the best whiskey in Karnaca.  She downed a shot in one go, sighing at the burn in her throat while she waited for Lucia to arrive.  She kept to herself in a booth in one corner, drawing attention to herself only when she waved at her friend.

“You started without me?” Lucia complained, dropping down across from her.  “Was your first week back at Addermire that bad?”

“You’re just late,” Alexandria retorted.

“Guilty,” Lucia said, shrugging.  “But you’re also avoiding my question.  How has it been?  Are you doing alright?”

Lucia’s assumptions about the reason why Alexandria left Addermire and didn’t return for several months weren’t  _ too  _ far off the mark.  Alexandria  _ had  _ been held hostage by Luca Abele, and staying at Addermire  _ had  _ been too much for her.  It was just that the lonely memories of imprisonment weren’t the only things that had driven her away.

“It was... as well as could be expected,” Alexandria answered.  “My new colleagues are wonderful people.  Dr. Renata can sometimes be a bit too enthusiastic, and I’m convinced he’s going to become one of my patients at some point, but overall it was good.  Addermire’s in safe hands.”

And it really was.  Over the next few minutes, she and Lucia traded anecdotes - with Lucia explaining that working with Paolo was surprisingly pleasant compared to some of the people she’d had to work with in the past, and Alexandria talking about Dr. Renata’s penchant for getting overexcited and how it had resulted in him nearly falling down the stairs.

The conversation ended up turning towards the Royal Protector.

“Meagan’s done well for herself,” Lucia said.  “I never knew for sure if she could fight, but she always seemed like the type who could be dangerous if she wanted to be.”

Alexandria had only ever known kindness from Meagan Foster, but it didn’t take long for her to realize that Meagan’s empathy meant that she likely carried some darkness inside her as well.  Even if it wasn’t quite as overt as Alexandria’s.

“The apartment’s quiet without you,” Lucia said, after a long moment of silence.  “Not that you were ever really loud, but...”

“I know what you mean,” Alexandria replied, sending her a smile.  “I’ll admit, those first few nights, when I was back in my apartment, I had some trouble getting to sleep.  I wasn’t used to being alone.  Though I certainly won’t miss the dust storms.”

She didn’t mention that her nights of poor sleep hadn’t stopped.

“They’re getting a bit better,” Lucia argued, though she was grinning.  “Since I’ve been able to work with Armando and you and the rest of the council, we’ve really improved things for the miners and the Dust District.  I’ll admit that I wasn’t sure how I felt about Paolo and Vice Overseer Byrne being a part of it, but they’ve been relatively cordial towards one another thus far, haven’t they?”

“As cordial as the two of them can be,” Alexandria muttered.  A particularly memorable meeting in which Paolo and Byrne had wound up in a very loud shouting match, resulting in Armando and Alexandria herself bodily hauling them out of the room, sprung to mind.

Lucia narrowed her eyes.  “Is there a story behind that?”

“Let’s just say that the only time I’ve ever seen them agree was when we were discussing launching an official investigation into Dolores Michaels’ activities.”

“Ah, the day that was announced,” Lucia sighed.  “Best day of my damn life.  Even if the investigation didn’t end up panning out, the scrutiny was enough to make her squirm.  The bank wasn’t robbing people of their entire lives as much after that, though I would still only count it as a victory if the bank was either shut down for good, or if Michaels was ousted.”

It was an often-discussed topic between the two of them, and they fell into comfortable patterns, with Lucia practically spitting derision for Dolores Michaels while Alexandria listened and made a few comments here and there.  She ended up having another whiskey while they spoke, relishing in her ability to relax after an entire week of walking on eggshells.

“It’s amazing, how the amount of pamphlets advertising the bank have almost doubled since I sent that letter to her,” Lucia said.  “As if I’d ever be dumb enough to open an account with her.”

Lucia, by now, was on her fourth tankard of ale, and her words were starting to run together.  The next time the server came over, Alexandria muttered to them to get a couple of glasses of water; Lucia might have wanted to get drunk, but Alexandria knew for a fact that she hated hangovers.

“It’s pure exploitation,” Lucia was muttering now; Alexandria had to lean forward to hear her.  “I was hoping that things would get better when Armando and the rest of the council took over, but too many of the upper echelons of Karnaca are still bleeding people dry.  It’s disgusting.”

And Lucia had practically bled herself dry to stop them.  She was a genius when it came to finances, and had saved just enough money so that she could get essentials and run the Miners’ Family Coalition.  As for the rest - she’d sold her apartment in the Palace District and poured it all into donations, many of which had gone towards victims of Dolores Michaels’ bank.  To Alexandria, it looked like Lucia grew taller every time she saw her.

“You’re starting to brood,” she told Lucia.

Lucia stared at her, then looked down at her now-empty tankard.  “Shit,” she mumbled.  “You’re right.  You ordered water?”

“I have,” Alexandria replied, curling her mouth into a small smile.

“Thanks.”  Lucia slid her hand forward on the table, missing Alexandria’s hand the first time but managing to grab it the second.  “You know I want you to be happy at Addermire, right?  You’re my best friend, Alex.”

Without her really meaning for them to, Alexandria’s muscles locked up.  She stopped smiling, feeling  _ something  _ beginning to stir deeper within her.  Her hands, covered in blood, men and women screaming for help that wouldn’t come, cold fingers dragging through her hair and the scent of roses - 

“Fuck,” Lucia hissed, shaking her head frantically.  “Shit, I’m sorry - fuck.  Alexandria - ?”

_ In, 2, 3, 4.  Out, 2, 3, 4.   _ There was no way that Lucia could have known how extreme Alexandria’s reaction would be.  Plus she was drunk, so she could easily be forgiven for making a slip-up.  It had taken Alexandria almost a month of living with Lucia to realize just how much she hated to be called Alex now.

Even intoxicated, Lucia seemed to notice that Alexandria’s reaction had been more extreme than mere discomfort.  “You okay?”

By now, the deep breathing had left Alexandria with some semblance of control.  “Yes,” she said, forcing herself to smile.

Lucia’s frown only deepened.  “You’re lying.  But I’ll let it slide.  Just... you know I’m always here if you need to talk.”

A deeper voice wanted to tear its way through her vocal cords, and her hands wanted to rip Lucia’s head from her shoulders in front of all the bar patrons.  Alexandria ignored both urges, keeping the smile on her face.

“I know,” she replied.

* * *

 

There were good days, and there were bad days.

On the good days, Alexandria was able to perform dissections without getting flashes of memory, and work with patients and feel like it was real - like she was actually helping someone.  She could chat with her colleagues over lunch break and laugh at the surprisingly terrible jokes that Dr. Vilnova seemed to come up with on a daily basis.

On the bad days, she stayed at home, locked all her doors and windows, and had even debated tying herself to a chair, once.

Nothing ever came of it, and each and every day when Alexandria felt the pressure from her passenger abate, she gave a sigh of relief.  She was trying to get over her difficulties in sleeping; her fear had originally been that sleeping would leave her vulnerable, but eventually she’d come to the conclusion that not sleeping made her far more miserable during the day.  Still, there were too many nights where trying to convince herself wasn’t enough.

Today was a good day - until it wasn’t.

The weather was beautiful that morning, and Alexandria had even gone so far as to hum to herself as the carriage trundled out across the bay.  The sun reflecting off the water, turning it a brilliant blue, and with Addermire now cleaned up, it had never looked more welcoming.

It was shortly after lunch that they received word, in the form of a boy who was panicking at the reception desk.

“Attention, all Addermire personnel,” rang out over the PA system shortly thereafter.  “There has been a collapse in the Batitsta Mines.  All first-responder volunteers are required to report to the carriage for immediate travel to Batista.  I repeat, all first responder volunteers are required to...”

Alexandria was one of those volunteers, and she was quick to grab her supplies before hurrying to the lift and taking it down to the first floor.  She and about ten others met in the lobby of the institute - five nurses and five laborers who were training for situations such as this; they were needed to help shift rubble and carry patients.

The carriage could fit four people at most, and Hypatia, one of the nurses, and two of the trainees were on the first carriage.  They sat in tense silence through most of the ride to Addermire Station, and then they jogged over to the next station a few blocks away, which would take them to Batista.  

Even the mining district itself seemed to be in an uproar, as worried relatives and curious onlookers watched the mad scramble of physicians, miners, and Grand Guard soldiers.  Alexandria had to remind herself not to be surprised when she saw Overseers and Howlers working side-by-side on crowd control.

The mine itself was even more chaotic.  Lucia was there, working with the foreman to try to keep everything under control.  She caught Alexandria’s eye and jerked her head towards the mine entrance, where dust was still clouding the air.  Alexandria accepted a scarf to tie around her face from one of the young women standing nearby and gestured for the trainees to follow her.

There were already several men in the tunnel, working at the rubble carefully so that they didn’t worsen the collapse.  Alexandria had worked on collapses before, and directed the trainees where to start before she, too, began helping to lift the heavy rocks.  She could feel the trainees gaping at her; the men who were already there were men she knew, and were used to her surprising feats of strength.

“How many?” Alexandria asked the worker she was next to - Rafael, she was sure his name was.

“At least ten,” he panted.  “But there are more unaccounted for.  They could be safe out here, but they could be down there, too.”

Alexandria shook her head, continuing to dig through the rubble.

For every few feet of progress they made, one of the workers would have to test the ceiling before they could go any further.  Every time it happened, Alexandria and the others held their breath, waiting to hear that they were going to have to wait until the area was stable before they continued digging.  The tension in the air set Alexandria’s teeth on edge in a way that they wouldn’t have been before... well, before.

After several hours, they finally heard a faint voice through the rocks.  It didn’t take much longer, after that - they excavated one man, then another, before they finally hit a pocket of air behind the cave-in.  Nine others were waiting there, all barely conscious from the lack of air, and it fell to Alexandria and the others to carry them out of the mine.

They could see natural light up ahead when Alexandria felt the ground tremble beneath her feet.

“Run!” she shouted, though no one needed to be told twice.  The woman she was carrying was unconscious, and so didn’t notice being jostled when Alexandria started sprinting.  It was almost too easy to tap into that unnatural strength that lay just under her skin, propelling her forward the last few feet needed to make it into the open air.

Behind her, the rumble grew to a roar, and then the mine entrance was completely blocked off.

The nurses were already among the wounded, treating what they could and sending those who needed more extensive care on to Addermire.  Alexandria quickly moved to join them, not letting herself think about how exhilarating that moment had felt.  

After that, her day was almost routine.  She treated the miners.  After those who needed care most received it, she went back to Addermire to help those who needed overnight care.  She and several other nurses worked well into the night, giving some miners elixirs for their lungs and setting the broken bones of others, until Dr. Vilnova came along and insisted that Alexandria go home.

“The nurses and other doctors here can handle this,” she said.  “You cannot be at your best unless you rest.”

All in all, Alexandria had never had a day where she felt more like a stranger in her own skin.  She was closing and locking the door of her apartment behind her when she realized that she couldn’t remember exactly how she’d gotten there.

Her heart stopped.

She knocked over a vase in her attempt to get to her clock, and it took her five minutes (after verifying that no more time had passed than her normal commute time) to slow her breathing.  She slumped from where she was kneeling in front of the clock, suddenly unwilling to move.

She stayed there until she fell asleep.

* * *

 

“Your reluctance is understandable,” Dr. Vilnova said, giving her a reassuring smile.  “After all, you’re still the top natural philosopher at Addermire Institute - probably even in all the Isles.  And if you’ve never had to deal with trouble sleeping before, then it can be difficult to admit when it becomes a problem.”

“I - “  Alexandria cut herself off with a frustrated sigh.  “It feels like something I should be able to handle.  But I don’t think I can.”

“And that’s fine,” Vilnova replied.  “Most people can’t.  That’s what I’m here for - to help you help yourself.  May I ask - do you know why you’re having trouble sleeping, or is it something you can’t figure out?”

“I know why,” Alexandria said, her tone flattening.

Dr. Vilnova nodded, scribbling something in her notebook.  “You’re not under any obligation to tell me, but the more I know, the more I’ll be able to help you.  So: why are you having trouble sleeping?”

“I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

_ Of waking up somewhere else.   _ “I don’t know, exactly,” Alexandria said, the lying stinging on her tongue.  “It’s like... I’m lying there, and my throat closes up, and no matter what I do sleep eludes me.  I think it’s starting to affect my work.”

“Hmm.”  Vilnova had a habit of chewing on the ends of her pens.  “I can give you a few breathing exercises that might help relax you before you go to sleep, but that’s about all I can do for now.  I’ll give you some homework: try to pinpoint what it is, exactly, that you’re afraid of.  If we can figure that out, we’ll be closer to figuring out how to help you.”

Alexandria nodded, ignoring the twist of guilt in her stomach.  “Thank you so much, Dr. Vilnova.  Thank you for being understanding about all of this.”

“You’re welcome.”  Vilnova paused, then added, “I’ve wrangled with some problems of my own, before, so I have some idea of how you must be feeling right now.  I hope you know that you can trust me, Dr. Hypatia.”

Alexandria paused, feeling more wretched by the moment.  “I know,” was all she could say.

* * *

 

She almost left Addermire again.

Alexandria packed her bags and cleaned her apartment.  She wrote a letter to Lucia asking if she would be willing to host her again, indefinitely this time.  She went into work that day intending to make her apologies to the staff for leaving again, and to ask Dr. Vilnova to put off their next appointment.

What she found, instead, was a haggard-looking Dr. Renata, pacing outside of her office.

“Lucio,” she called, giving him a little wave as she reached for her office key.  “What brings you here?”

He smiled weakly, wringing his hands.  “Dr. Hypatia, I’m glad you’re here.  I need some advice, for lack of a better word.”

Alexandria nodded, gesturing for him to follow her into her office.  It was fitting that she would be able to dispense some help for her colleagues, before she left Addermire once more.  

“What can I help you with?” she asked, sitting at her desk.

“Well, you see...”

Renata gulped audibly, and Alexandria saw that his hands were sweaty.  His eyes darted around the room, and for a few moments, she felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise.  Renata seemed like a good man, but could he be - ?

“I’ve been commissioned by the Crown,” he blurted out.

Alexandria froze, then forced her muscles to relax.  Honestly, suspecting one of her own colleagues like that... yes, it was good that she would be leaving Addermire soon.  She cleared her throat, hoping that her smile didn’t look as mechanical as it felt.

“A commission by the Crown usually means more funding,” she said.

“I - I know,” he stammered.  “But it’s - it’s a big deal, isn’t it?  It’s not just money, it’s reputation too - and many are skeptical of my field of choice.  Even more are skeptical of Dr. Vilnova’s field of choice - everything could be riding on how this goes!”

“You’ve proven capable so far,” Alexandria pointed out.  “Your physical therapy consultations receive the highest praise, and Mr. Danvers has been thrilled with the use he’s been able to get out of the leg you designed for him.  Whatever the Crown has commissioned you for, I know that you can do it.”

“That’s... certainly nice to hear, Dr. Hypatia,” Renata said.  “But they’re asking me to design an arm for the Royal Protector.”

That confirmed Alexandria’s suspicions.  Word was that Meagan Foster was formidable enough with only one arm, but it didn’t surprise her that she would be interested in a prosthetic after hearing about Renata’s achievements.  

“I’ve been in touch with Dr. Toksvig - the Royal Physician,” continued Renata.  “She’s told me about the exercises that she’s been having Lady Foster do, and giving me as much information on injured area as possible.  But I was wondering - well, I was  _ hoping  _ \- that I might be able to work with you on this, Dr. Hypatia.”

Hypatia, who was sipping from her water canteen at that point, nearly did a spit-take.  There was a sinking feeling in her stomach, and she thought of the packed suitcase and her clean apartment and her intention to tell Dr. Renata that she would be working more directly with the miners in the Batista District.  All of that, rendered meaningless by Dr. Renata’s simple request.

“I - would be happy to,” she said, stumbling over her words.  As Renata beamed at her, half-lunging at her like he wanted to hug her but stopping himself, she thought she heard a gravelly laugh in her head.

* * *

 

For weeks, Alexandria felt like the walls were closing in around her.

Every time she turned around, she had nowhere to run.  She had conversations with people that were completely mundane, and yet she felt like she was suffocating.  She had moments where  _ she _ nearly surged to the surface, only for it to turn into a bout of nausea that almost her running for the toilets.  Sleep continued to elude her, and her appetite started to do the same.

Dr. Vilnova was very explicit in her concern.

“You’re very good at keeping it internalized, but I’m not the only person who can see that it’s getting worse.”  To her credit, she didn’t sound angry or impatient.  “I may not be the right person to help you, in this instance, but you need  _ someone _ , Alexandria.”

Who could she tell?  The Empress knew, but Alexandria hardly had time to sail to Dunwall just to tell Emily that the Crown Killer wasn’t as gone as they’d thought.  The only other person who knew was Meagan Foster, and that presented the same problem.  She could try to send a letter, but she didn’t want to risk it being intercepted and opened.  

She thought she could trust Lucia, but if Lucia knew...

“Hey, Hypatia.”  Paolo’s accented drawl pulled her out of her stupor, and she blinked at him.  “Don’t go falling asleep on us now, we need at least one level head.”

Alexandria could do little more than nod.  She hadn’t slept at all the previous night, and it was hitting her harder than usual that day.  

As rough around the edges as Paolo could be, the man was still eerily perceptive.  He frowned at her, his eyes travelling from her face to her second cup of coffee, sitting half-empty on the table in front her.

“Hey, Abele,” he said, his eyes still on her.  “How ‘bout a recess, huh?  We’ve been talking about the bloodflies in Cyria for two hours now.”

‘Luca’ shrugged.  “I don’t see why not.”

Byrne was the first out of his chair, followed by Armando.  Irene Latios, the commander of the Grand Guard, stretched and yawned before nodding at Alexandria and saying she was planning on getting some fresh air.  She exited, leaving only Alexandria and Paolo in the room.

“Maybe you ought to take a day,” Paolo said quietly.  “You look like shit.”

Alexandria chuckled, shaking her head.  “That’s just how I look.”

“Bullshit.  You looked fine after you first started working at Addermire again.  These days, you look like you’ve been haunted by the Outsider himself.”  

Alexandria delayed her response by downing the rest of her coffee in a few gulps.  She grimaced at the lukewarm temperature, wishing that she had gotten the rest of it down earlier rather than later.

“I’ll go to bed early tonight,” she said.  “Does that meet with your approval, Paolo?”

Paolo leaned back in his seat, smirking.  “Sure, Doc.  Maybe think about going to bed early every night from now on, yeah?  Maybe then you won’t have to deal with cold coffee in the morning.”

“Sound advice,” Alexandria said, smiling ruefully.

The council session continued a few minutes later, with Armando, Irene, Paolo, and Byrne starting to argue about the best way to prevent the spread of bloodflies.  Alexandria found herself struggling to concentrate once again, and she almost didn’t notice when a fifth voice joined the cacophony.

_ I can shut them up for you. _

She stood up so fast that she knocked her chair over, a bitter taste flooding her mouth.  Her heart was pounding so hard that it was all she could hear, just barely aware of everyone staring at her.  She backed away on instinct, clamping down on her emotions so that the part of her that she knew wanted to get out would stay put, but there was no accounting for her breathing, or the black spots across her vision, or the - 

Or the - 

Silence.

* * *

 

Four hours later:

“I was not a  _ victim  _ of the Crown Killer!” Alexandria shouted, in spite of how wrong it felt to be so angry.  “I  _ am  _ the Crown Killer!”

* * *

 

Alexandria made her way to Dr. Vilnova’s office after munching on a plaintain and a few slices of bread.  The fog from her sleeping elixir had only just lifted from her brain, but it left her feeling well-rested for the first time in weeks.

Vilnova was scribbling furiously on a piece of paper when Alexandria entered, looking up only after scrawling what looked like her signature at the bottom of the page.  She sent Alexandria a strained smile before folding up the paper and shoving it into an envelope.

“Sorry,” Vilnova said.  “I had to write a strongly-worded letter telling the council that no, I cannot divulge the details of why you need a leave of absence from council work.  I never realized that the leaders of our esteemed city were so nosy.  Yourself being exempted from that observation, of course.”

“Thank you,” Alexandria said.

Vilnova folded her hands on her desk.  “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” she answered, looking down at her hands.  They were trembling a bit, but for once she thought it might have been because of exhaustion.  “I... I honestly almost wish I could go back to sleep.  I spent so long thinking it wasn’t possible - now that I know it is...”

Vilnova laughed.  “It really is better if you try to re-establish a proper routine as soon as possible,” she said.  “So you’re going to have to wait for night-time like the rest of us.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t relax for the rest of the day, however.  We’ll try to keep interaction to a minimum for now, since that only seems to heighten your anxiety.”

That sounded less appealing than sleep.  Alexandria would have much rather done research if she couldn’t work with patients, but Vilnova had been warning her for a while now that a part of her recovery would involve doing things that might feel silly or unnecessary.

“There are some books in my office that I wouldn’t mind reading,” she said.

“Give me a list and I’ll have them brought up to you.”

Alexandria bade her goodbyes to Vilnova, and went back to her room.  Officially, she was now one of Vilnova’s long-term patients - at least until her week of treatment was up.  She settled onto the bed, listening to the sounds of the outer walkway, and closed her eyes.

* * *

 

“Thanks for telling Dr. Vilnova that I’m allowed to visit,” Lucia said.  She surveyed Alexandria’s room, taking in the small collection of books on her bedside table and the beautiful view that she had through the glass door that led to the walkway.  Alexandria preferred to read outdoors when she could; it helped lessen her cabin fever.

“Is all this really necessary?” Lucia asked, pulling up a chair.  “I mean... you’re not...”

“Not crazy?” Alexandria finished dryly.

Lucia winced.  “Sorry.”

Alexandria shrugged.  “I don’t know if I’m the one you need to be apologizing to,” she said.  “It’s... it’s not always like what happened to Aramis.  Sometimes it’s just... not being able to handle something about yourself.  And if you don’t do anything about it earlier on, then you end up in the Psychiatric Wing.”

“So you’ve been having trouble for a while now.”

“More like a year?” Alexandria admitted.  “Maybe longer.”

“Alexandria...”

“I can’t tell you about it, Lucia,” Alexandria said, somehow managing to look Lucia in the eye.  “I wish that I could.  But I can’t.  I still consider you my friend, it’s just... I have someone who I can go to if I need to get a handle on it.  I didn’t have that before.  I’d just like to keep being your friend.”

Lucia met her gaze for a few moments before sighing.  “Alright, that’s fair.”

That was the beginning of many such visits.  Alexandria’s time in the psychiatric wing was extended to two weeks, and during that time, Lucia visited almost every day.  Dr. Renata wasn’t allowed to see her until the second week, because he was (as Vilnova put it) “inevitably going to bring up some aspect of work”.  

Even Paolo showed up at one point.

“Ah shit,” had been his first words.  “Was I supposed to bring flowers or something?”

Slowly, over the next month, Alexandria learned to trust herself enough to sleep again.  She got back into her work with renewed fervor, no longer constantly distracted by suppressing a part of herself.  That wasn’t to say that Grim Alex went away completely; even after weeks of treatment, Alexandria could still feel her, lurking beneath the surface.  She had a feeling that she’d be trying to convince herself that she had nothing to fear from her for a long time.

It was several more months before she found herself in the company of the only people, besides Dr. Vilnova, who knew the truth behind her breakdown.  Meagan and Emily both looked tired, but they seemed well enough otherwise, and Emily took Alexandria’s confession about her internal struggles quite well.

“I’m glad you told me,” Emily said, frowning slightly, “but it sounds like you have a handle on it.”

“I think I do,” Alexandria replied.  “I felt that you deserve to know.  I wanted to tell Meagan in person as well, but she seems to be busy, so - if you could tell her for me, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Emily replied.  She hesitated, the mask of Empress slipping off of her for a moment.  “But - you’re doing alright?  Really?”

Alexandria smiled.  It wasn’t fake.  “Yes.  I really am.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, explanation:
> 
> This story takes place in the 'fixed' timeline (Billie stopped Emily from traveling back in time and saving Aramis Stilton). In this version of events, Alexandria doesn't end up leaving Addermire to stay with Lucia again for two reasons: one, because in this timeline Dr. Renata asked for her help with making Billie's prosthetic. Two, because she hasn't been having nightmares of herself dying in an alternate timeline.
> 
> This story eventually leads up to the epilogue of What-Ifs and Temporal Shifts, where Emily is told (off-screen) about Alexandria's struggles with the Crown Killer still being there.


End file.
